if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
