Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
