my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
