i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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