I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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