3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
