bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize