Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
