You really coming over, don't trick.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
