I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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