She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
