im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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