why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
