If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
