ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
