Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize