take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
