my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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