he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
