I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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