If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
