he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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