Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize