there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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