I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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