Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
