What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
