You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
