Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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