Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Watching her eat just hurts me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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