i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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