i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
