I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
