He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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