dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
