Whod you bang
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
