i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
