can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
