im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
