apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
