I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
