we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
