"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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