i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
