So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
