Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
should my penis look like a turkey
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
