My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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