I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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