i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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