Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
