The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
