He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
