That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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