You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Even my vagina gasped.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
