i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
