i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize