Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
