I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
