I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
