Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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