State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
