They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
