It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize