I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
