i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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