I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize