Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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