Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
