Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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