i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
