These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize