Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
