We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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