just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize