All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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