Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
