Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i dont even know how to be here
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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