I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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