he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
