My first STD was from a foam party
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We smell like vodka and hangover
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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