i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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