she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
