i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
