Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
