this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
