I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
