If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
