i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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